Article by Eleana Guron
October 28, 2021
In the wise words of RuPaul “How can you love someone, when you don’t even love yourself?” Or in my case, “How can you love someone, when you don’t believe In Self love?” This came to be during a call with one of my Bumble matches.
I was really bothered that the guy I was talking to didn’t believe in self love and it doesn’t exist, he said that the only thing that matters is choosing our own happiness which is to enjoy the pleasures in life and to appreciate what we have right now, I tried to say my side, however I didn’t bother to further argue with him since I’m not that good with my words. His belief was also a major red flag for me so I decided not to accept his offer of a relationship and cut ties with him.
I mean I know where he’s coming from since he did share his story to me, and I feel really bad for him since the amount of of pain he has been through made him feel this way, however Self love is a big deal for me as I’m in the continuous process of healing from my past and loving and accepting myself
Self love or should I say love in general isn’t just rainbows and unicorns, it's not always pleasure and happiness, love always comes with pain as well as sacrifices where we make painful decisions for the sake of love, happiness and growth. It is not an easy payout that we got through relationships, sometimes it is brought by ourselves alone. Loving yourself doesn’t necessarily mean that we will neglect and forget how to have commitments and relationships, it will help us to be more mature and to not be left with nothing once a relationship has ended.
We always think that once we start choosing ourselves, choosing our peace we become instantly happy, but that’s not how it works since we cannot get anything in a snap of a finger. When we choose ourselves we release something that is no longer serving us and as much as we love it, we have to let things go even though it disturbs our comfort and pleasure and as much as we want to stay, it hinders us from our growth and blinds us to the doors that will open for us, with love comes with pain and as much as it’s not good to hear, you always need to feel pain when loving someone or in this case, loving yourself.
The Harsh reality of self-love is the pain that comes along with it, that pain has to be our greatest teacher when we have to learn the biggest lessons so that we can love ourselves and love others even more and sad to say that many people nowadays fail to realize this as they focus on pleasure instead of improving with the lame excuse of “I’m here for a good time not a long time” and that’s the other harsh reality, that we can never be happy all the time as much as we want to be. That we have to feel the emotions and experiences that make us human
Though I ended things with him on a very bad note, i know my decision was for my own peace as well and as much as I enjoyed talking to him it’s just sad that we don’t see eye to eye on this topic, I still wish him well and pray that he realizes that self love is real and does exists.
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