Graphics by Eline Gonzaga
How often do you hear people babble about their lovers online? Do you side with either one of them after hearing one part of the story? Does something feel off whenever you hear these kinds of stories? What about hearing many pointless arguments about a relationship between simple things? Well, you are not alone in thinking that these people who share their experiences with their partner online are on the slightly immature end. However, that’s not solely an online problem, as it stands, these fateful events obviously happen outside the sphere of the internet too. But why do these happen at all? Why is the one known concept of keeping a stable relationship together unable to catch up with people when they needed it most? Well, in all honesty, it’s because of its very, very misunderstood concept.
While communication is the primary foundation of what makes a relationship successful, a few people can only grasp the concept of what it really means to actually communicate to the other party. Oftentimes, these verbal or physical exchanges between two people are only seen as a shallow form of expression, since it’s already adequate enough to maintain any relationship. And in all honesty? One would possess a skewed mindset to think it like so. For example, not watching your words is a one-way ticket to disaster, and a breeding ground for many excuses to avoid anger or comeuppance. This leads to constant lying, avoiding contact, and in the worst-case scenarios, cheating. Why? If one cannot trust the other of being honest, what more can they get in the future? Obstacles such as insecurity, distrust, and fear often tower above these people, and becomes their sad excuse when dealing with things that do not go in their favor. This inevitably results in poor and cracked bonds that are bound to fall eventually. Thus, it comes down to how well both parties can take this truth, and how each one can adjust accordingly to it. But how does one relationship strengthen their communication?
One thing, and one thing only: trust. I know it can be difficult for people who have severe trust issues to trust another individual, but please read until the end. While trust is, of course, a precious and invaluable aspect in love, so too should it be treated as such in communication. Partners who use this as a guideline for setting boundaries and building rapport is already one step closer in reaching a long and mature relationship bound to last. A slow and steady stream of doing simple things for the sake of their partner and sacrificing time and energy is one surefire way to build trust, effectively lessening the need to explain certain boundaries to your special someone.
While trust itself is difficult to build up, a good place to start is from yourself. Communicating your wants and needs as a self-reflection to yourself is a necessary step in ensuring you don’t sacrifice too much of yourself and burn out. This way, this will also make sure that communicating your wants to your partner will be easier, and it will become their guideline in earning your trust. From there, you can gauge if someone actually loves you by checking if they intend to cross any boundaries. Just don’t forget that you yourself are in the process of building trust too. While love is of course a union between people, you are a part of that union, and its your job to ensure that “you” live long enough for you and your partner to be the happiest in this lifetime. Sacrificing too much of yourself and not communicating your own wants and needs will inevitably make you one of those toxic people who complain a lot about the logic and emotions of their partner. Worse? To be in the receiving end of it.
Reflect on yourself.
Communicate your wants and needs.
You dictate your boundaries.
Love your partner as you love yourself.
Comments